IU is about 2.5 hours from here, a nice little drive, mostly two lanes through small towns. Paul and I had a fun afternoon together, just walking and driving around, soaking up the incredible sun on our cold-chapped cheeks. We visited the local winery—free tasting!—and then went for a “hike” near Monroe Lake. It was really nice to share such a huge part of my past with Paul. I got so excited telling him everything about all the buildings on campus, and showing him my apartments and my church, and taking him along the paths I walked to class. It made me wish that Paul was with me when I was at IU.
I revisited Bloomington for the first time about a year after I graduated. That trip was a time of closure for me. I was really reluctant to leave school—for all the things I didn’t like about being there—and had not quite gotten over that until I went back and really said goodbye. This time around, I had some realizations, among them how much the experience at IU was worth it. Because I had been thinking that maybe I regretted going there. But walking around campus and around town and seeing all the things I loved and all things I had never visited made me realize that what I regretted were the opportunities I missed while I was at IU. If you can, just imagine a more reserved, fearful, hesitant version of myself. I had not yet learned the virtues of risk, of stepping out and meeting people, trying new things, and reaching beyond my comfort zone. I tended to only a few close friends and many hours alone with some books. So, I missed out on many things.
This recent trip also made me realize that even with my regrets, I wouldn’t exchange IU for anything because of what I did experience there. Foremost, it is the place and moment I personally encountered God. I became a Christian my sophomore year at IU through Campus Crusade. And then there was the independence I gained at school. I could never put my finger on why I went so far from home. But I needed that escape, that refuge, and that break, and I needed to force myself to rely on me. Bloomington is a bite-sized city, easily navigable, underwhelming, and centered on IU. It gave me the training wheels I needed to become an independent adult. And, of course, there are the friendships I would never give up, the closest of which ultimately led me to Paul.
I’m just now realizing that the regrets from school have prompted me to pursue things since then. I have experienced so much in the last few years for fear of having more regrets. And the Bloomington trip reminds me of how I need to experience life here in Cincinnati, despite sometimes feeling overwhelmed and alone. Because if I ever leave, I do not want to leave a trail of regrets in my wake.
1 comment:
Yes, my thoughts exactly as to regrets. I'm trying hard now to put into practice what you and I learned in the OC. Remember that summer we decided we were going to "meet people" and went to every 20something activity there was? As I think about it, that's really the way to go. None of this timidity stuff, and no staying home moping about the lack of friends. :)
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