decisions, decisions.

My mind has been feeling pretty heavy these days; Paul and I are beginning to weigh several rather important decisions. And I loathe making decisions. Any kind of decisions. In fact, I spent 45 minutes at Home Goods the other day trying to decide which spa-like bathroom accessories to get, only to leave the store with one tiny bottle of lotion that cost $1.99. Decision-making is paralyzing to me; I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice, and because I tend to weigh each and every single consequence of each and every choice, every choice always seems to be the wrong one. I certainly can't buy anything without a return policy.

In this wake of decision-making anxiety, I've been pondering a lot the will of God. I feel pretty sure that God is telling me, "Just wait. Be patient. Trust." So I am working and praying toward that end. But it's hard to live in the moment! Especially for a goal-oriented person like myself.

My friend Katie recently sent me an essay about the will of God. I have yet to really read it (sorry, Katie!) but I was reminded of a quote I read years ago by Mother Theresa:

Kavanaugh, who wanted to know how best to spend the rest of his life, expressed his deepest desire. "Pray that I have clarity." Mother Theresa responded firmly. No, I will not do that." Kavanaugh was taken aback. She continued, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go." When Kavanaugh commented that she seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you will trust God."

I find it so encouraging because I never feel certain about anything, and I'm reminded that I don't need to be certain, all I have to do is trust in the Lord, which for me is much easier than trusting in myself and my own ability to choose the right thing.

xxxxx