Friends

For someone shy, making friends is an endeaver, one not to be executed easily. And I’m learning that older you get the harder it is to make friends. In elementary school and high school, it’s your purpose in life to make friends, to “hang” out, tell each other secrets. In college, everyone is in the same place—friendless—and meeting people is easy. But in that post-college, post-right-out-of-college stage, not everyone is looking for a best friend. In fact, people’s friend-meters are about at their limit, and even having coffee with another person is more than they can take.

So making friends is hard. But then you add making friends while wanting to spend time with your fiancé, making friends as a couple, and making friends in the same life stage (married, no kids) and the task seems Herculean. I was reminded this morning how great it is to have friends in different life stages—it reminds us from where we’ve come and gives us perspective on where we’re going. I was also reminded that it’s okay to feel lost, or confused, or overwhelmed when life switches stages. And that God’s love and grace mean we don’t have to handle it well. I don’t have to “handle it" at all. That said, is it too much to ask to meet one married person who doesn’t have children?

I was talking to an older friend the other day. I told her that a certain guy doesn’t understand how I feel, and she said get used to it—he’s a guy and he’ll never understand. It’s true—with each other, guys talk about topics (sports, theology, movies, etc.) So they can relate no matter what stage of life they’re in. But when girls talk, they share their life experiences (school, guys, kids.) So it’s a lot harder to relate to someone when you can’t share their experiences. And it’s hard for a guy to understand why I need friends without kids.

I cherish those friends that I will have and love no matter how different our lives are. And I know I'm not being entirely willing and open-minded. It just would be nice to have a friend who doesn’t need to find a babysitter every time we get together and meet a group of girls whose conversation isn’t centered around diapers.